What is Next?

Saturday morning I woke up at 6:00AM…grabbed my Nook…started a cup of Coffee…turned on Sports Center….and pondered things in the still quiet of the morning before the chaos of the Elliott Cat 5 hurricane awoke from peaceful slumber. Macy had a softball game at 9:30, so I had talked myself into taking it easy…and not get up at an ungodly hour to go run. By 7:00am, I was stewing…and although things were peaceful on the home front, my mind was reeling…thinking…my spirit was anxious. It was a total paradox within my soul. I had no motivation to go run…and yet I was self loathing for not lacing up any running shoes. I was restless…and angry…more with myself. For 3 straight weekends in a row, I had done nothing on the exercise front…mainly from sickness. When my wife woke up she could tell things were angst ridden in my psyche. She looked at me and said…you don’t have to go run tomorrow…but do something…you are miserable.

Why the misery? Because I really don’t know what to do next….what I want to do next. The cancelling of the Grand Canyon run had done more to me emotionally than I wanted to admit. I wasn’t pouting or feeling sorry for myself…but I lacked any motivation to get out and train for another ultra.

Macy played a great game…she has laser focus for an adult…let alone an 8 year old. When she steps up to bat…she is intent on hitting the ball…and on Saturday’s game went 2 for 3…and got robbed on the third at bat.

Before the game, Bren tells me…get on Stubhub….and get tickets for you and Luke to go to the Texas Ranger’s for the Saturday afternoon’s sold out game. The weather was perfect…72F….clear skies…just Perfect! I love the Ballpark in Arlington. I look over at Luke, my only son, eating his ice cream and ask, “Has it been a good day?” He responds between bites of chocolate mint, “Dad, more than you know!” All of a sudden, my morning workout didn’t matter a lick…not one bit.

That evening, I was watching to New York Yankees vs Boston Red Sox…and Jorge Posada had pulled himself out of the line up only an hour before the game. Normally that would amount to a hill of beans when a player does that…but not here. First it’s the Yankees…and everything makes headlines. The crux…Posoda who was batting a 0.180 was moved to 9th in the order…yep…5 time all star…instrumental in all 4 World Series Championship wins and 5 time Sliver Slugger Award winner was getting old…and his skills seem to be slipping. I think that is the hardest part of being an aging athlete…knowing when to say when…and frankly, Posada is struggling with that.

I related to the Yankee catcher that night. No…I am not an elite…and no, I don’t have to say that I quit…but that morning I was struggling with what to do next…in training…in endurance realm...and yes I was frustrated.

Sunday, I vowed not to sleep in. I lined up a buddy that had just finished a ½ ironman in epic fashion in April. “Chris,” I asked, “What are you doing tomorrow morning at 6:00AM?” “Let’s get in a strong 40 miles on the bike,” I add. So on Sunday…we pounded at 40miles…it was literally the 2nd time I had been on the bike since last Augusts’ Hotter N Hell 100 mile ride. The first 20 out was strong…18 to 22 mph…I didn’t eat anything before or during the ride and the last 8 miles back in were not good….like bonking not good. But when it was over…I felt good to have gotten out on the road.

I still have no idea what to do next…I really don’t know what I want to do next. I at least plan on staying in Marathon shape…but right now…going out for a 2 to 3 hours on Saturday is really all I need…or want for that matter.
Till then…we will enjoy Macy playing softball and Luke playing baseball…and the Rangers…well lets hope they get things shored up...relief pitching and the bats need to wake up.

Press On!