Obessive Complusive Disorder...and I wasn't laughing....

Demons…they would swirl around my 7 year old mind…to only exorcise them from me…to live…a normal life…to not have to count….to wash my hands 7 times…because if I didn’t then the germs would attack…and maybe death…not only to me but for the whole family.  Turning the light switch on…off..on…off….onoffonoffonoffonoff…..till the number seemed right….disabilitating …getting dressed was the most awful chore…the numbers, the counting…the redoing something because maybe it just “didn’t seem right” and if I didn’t do…over again….then maybe something bad would happen...to someone in my family.

Yes…I suffered from OCD….I had no clue what it was called when I was a kid….I didn’t tell anyone either…. Because they would really think I was crazy.  It really hit me half way through first grade….and I can’t even tell you why…but I know that it started taking me so much longer to finish my work…just coloring a work sheet was an act of being in the throes of hell.

Off and on….for 5 years….it seemed to begin to wane…..till the 6^th grade…and then with all its evilness….it  hit…unlocking my combination lock to my locker was a ritual…seven times I must rotate the tumbler…and if I didn’t feel like it was perfect….then start over….I would count….I would not step on a crack…and even if I didn’t ….what if I accidently did….I would have to go back….oh wait…did I lock my lock…I had just pulled on the combination lock seven times….but no…I have to go back…to check…climbing stairs...up and down...updown....updown...till it felt "right."

There have been shows like ‘Monk’ that make it part of the comedy of the show….my life wasn’t a comedy…it wasn’t a joke….then as soon as OCD came on in the first grade…it left the summer before my 7^th grade year.  I couldn’t tell you why….was it that I had had enough?…that by works we are not saved?…I don’t know…maybe bio chemical?…I really have no clue.

I don’t struggle now…although nearly every morning I circle back around to check to see if I closed the garage door….but that is about it…maybe this might explain that why I am all in with what I do…..I am  in sales…obsess about it….I want to get in shape…go run an ultra….you want to learn some magic…go compete and win...maybe that’s why?…I don’t have those answers either.

And then today I see this 2 minute video of a guy reciting a poem…about having OCD….and.I.know.exactly.what.he.is.talking.about…..EXACTLY….and until now…I have told no one except my wife what I went through as a kid with OCD…not even my brother…my parents…or my friends.

I now I blogged about it…maybe I need to go wash my hands….seven times…..