Endurance…the time when pressing on is a test of one’s will…it requires mental toughness….sometimes pure stubbornness…and most of all….desire. Through the seasons of life there are times when the fall turns to the brutal winds of winter and the day to day grind becomes an endurance event. I began running December 2008….and through those years I have completed numerous ultramarathons. In fact, I went from the couch to my first 50 mile trail ultra marathon in 14 months. One big training cycle…from race to race…from ultra to 100 mile bike ride…marathons with 45 lb backpacks…5:00 AM workouts…all night runs.
On Friday night my wife asked, “Aren’t you excited to race tomorrow?” I look over and calmly replied, “No.” I didn’t even pack my race bag till the morning of the Rockledge Rumble 50K race. My meticulous nature of checking and rechecking was absent…I didn’t even charge my Garmin 405…and when I went to bed, I set my alarm and thought…”The only reason I am running the Rumble tomorrow was the commitment I made to do it.” Even though the Saturday race day was absolutely perfect fall weather, my heart and soul was weathering the frigid chill of a Blue Northerner.
An out and back 22 miler … I come into the aid station cooked. My body felt fine…at least like it would after 22 miles on a trail…my desire…gone…completely…I didn’t want to be out there….I didn’t want to be racing….and I sure as hell didn’t want to go back out for another 10 miles. My friend, Buddy Teaster, looked at me and said…you look fine…and I said…I am…but I don’t care. Buddy responds, “I don’t have anything on the aid station table to fix that…you have to want it…and you definitely do not have anything to prove.” Five minutes later I was in my 4 Runner and on my way home. I am not proud of that…but I simply didn’t care. .. that, my friend, is a dangerous place to be. Only 2 months previously had I ridden my best century on the hottest race day of record for the 30 year old Hotter N Hell bicycle ride. The “highs” of that accomplishment were absent to only be replaced by the doldrums of life.
The abyss of apathy indicates a time to step away for a time from the endurance realm….not permanently….but for now. I have something planned for April…a weeklong event that I will detail later…but for now…I don’t have an ultra planned for a year. That is on purpose. Fitness is still a priority…just not the 6 hours runs…the back to back long days….the 3:00 AM wake up calls.
Wide is the path that leads to destruction…but the rocky, narrow trail is where life is lived on the edge…and when the sun begins the decent over the horizon….and darkness engulfs you….you press on…a paradox...running the very narrow path of ultramarathons was placing me on a 6 lane expressway …Stepping away from running races that sometimes take you 10 plus hours…to reignite the burning fires of enjoying life again…to reevaluate my purpose and goals. Challenges in life buffet you…and God uses these incidences as heavenly sandpaper to smooth out the rough edges. This year has not been short of a little 60 grit…a refining of who I am as a person…to my family….to my friends. Bren, my wife, has been more supportive than I could have ever asked…and I watched her closely when I responded to her inquiry about me being excited to race on that November Saturday. Her eyes showed the grave concern of a coach whose team was in trouble. A week ago I went over my plans with her for what I intended to do on the endurance front…and she responds, “Any way I can help, let me know.” And that is how we roll. 2011’s refining fire has not been pleasant…but the dross is being removed. Bren and I have seen growth in our family…being pushed out of our comfort zone tends to do that. The night is long…and winter longer….but dawn is nigh….the the spring of life will renew…for these times are not near as sweet until compared to the depths of the wintery night….and so we press on.
Day at the Office
All Terrain Vehicle
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Penn State...and Protecting Your Kid from Predators
I have a very simple question. Why is it that only after 2 weeks of game 7 of the World Series, did we hear Texas Ranger manager, Ron Washington’s pregame speech; when it took 12 FREAKING years to learn what went on at Penn State????
That’s right…it took less than 14 days to have the sacred boundary of what is between a manager and his team encroached. I listened to all 7 plus minutes of the recording. Sure…there is some foul language…but Ron’s speech loosened the team up, motivated them and even made me laugh….but there was nothing in there that broke the law. Ron did talk about that if Carp, the MF’er, threw the ball across the plate that they were to knock the s%@! out of it. I was upset when I heard that Wash’s pregame speech was leaked to the public…you see I still think that what is said in the board room, the clubhouse…locker room…squad bay of a Marine Corps Unit should stay there.
Ok…most of the time what happens there should stay there…unless the law is broken or if there is the most abhorred acts of sexual deviance to a minor that have occurred. I have read the entire indictment passed down from the Grand Jury on the Penn State and the Sandusky case. Reading that alone was enough to turn one’s stomach….but you do not even have to read between the lines of 40 accounts from 8 victims to wonder why anyone would allow a monster like Sandusky go free. It is unforgivable.
A second question to follow the first question is “How did so many people stay quiet on the matter?” Oh…people knew.
Let’s start from the beginning. Jerry Sandusky coached for Penn State for 32 years and was Defensive Coordinator for 23 of those years. In 1977, started a foundation called “The Second Mile” that served as a foster home for troubled boys and evolved to help children that came from dysfunctional and troubled homes. Victim 7, for the Grand Jury Indictment, gives details of deviant sexual behavior from Sandusky directed to him….behavior occurring in the mid 1990’s. The accounts from the 8 victims, all between the ages of 8 to 11, go on…in detail…about being forced to take showers with Sandusky…some are less intrusive…some accounts are of sodomizing rape…all sickening.
In March 1, 2002, a graduate assistant, Mike McQueary who was 28 years old then, entered a locker room and witnessed an act so heinous between Victim 2 and Sandusky, that he ran out of the room and called his dad. McQueary stated that he was in shock…distraught….and his dad told him to promptly report what he saw to Head Coach Joe Paterno. This was followed by meetings with Tim Curley, Penn State Athletic Director and Senior Vice President for Finance and Business Gary Shultz. The result? Curley, a couple of weeks later informed McQueary that Sandusky’s keys to the locker room were taken away and the incident reported to the The Second Mile. The incident was not reported to the police or child protective services, in what the Grand Jury termed a contravention of Pennsylvania law. Curley testified that the conduct was merely horseplay. Ok…my second home growing up was in a locker room. I know what horseplay is…and never at one time did I feel like I needed to call my dad because I was so distraught by “horseplay.” The grand jury didn’t buy it either. This just showed the tip of the ice berg of cover up…statements show that Sandusky was paid nearly $500,000 over 8 years by The Second Mile…over 10 years after the reports to officials surfaced of his sexual abuse of 10 year old boys.
In 1998, the year after Sandusky was named NCAA Assistant Football coach of the year, he was asked to step down. He retired…not to be picked up again by any other college. Penn State still allowed Sandusky use of facilities. This was apparently after allegations of taking showers with underage boys in the locker room facilities….he even admitted to it with the young boy’s mom via a wire tap.
The accounts go on and begin to read like a script of an episode of SVU – Law and Order….and the questions abound.
Why didn’t the 28 year graduate stop the sodomizing? Why weren’t the police called? Why didn’t any other colleges in the nation want to hire Sandusky in his coaching prime upon retirement and being named Assistant coach of the year? Why didn’t Paterno do more…or for that matter the AD…the President? Is climbing the food chain of college coaching more important than stopping the rape of a 10 year old boy? Is the money a top tier football program generates worth more…so they sweep scathing allegations under the rug and continue to allow the perpetrator access to the Penn State Facilities?
All of the above questions are rhetorical of course.
Although statistics are difficult to obtain in regards to child sexual abuse, it is thought that 1 in 6 boys and girls are abused sexually. The average age for the first abuse is just under 10 years old and Abuse typically occurs within a long-term, on-going relationship between the offender and victim, escalates over time and lasts an average of four years. 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker, 34.2% of attackers were family members and 58.7% were acquaintances and only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim. The affects are long term for the victim…
The experience of sexual abuse for a child distorts her or his self-concept, orientation to the world and affective capabilities.
High rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, dissociative disorders, interpersonal dysfunction, sexual problems and suicidal ideation have all been identified to varying degrees among men and women who survive child sexual abuse.
Child sexual assault victims are 4.7 times more likely to be the subsequent victim of a sex crime.
So the question is, as parents, what we can do to prevent our own children of becoming victims of sexual abuse. As stated previously, most offenders are NOT strangers to the child.
At a very young age....like 3, begin talking with your kids about not letting anyone touch them where their bathing suits covered…even if you knew that person. Our pediatrician always reinforced this concept with each clinic visit. One must understand that the offender begins to manipulate the child and typically preys on a child with insecurities and a derivative of a dysfunctional environment. This is not always the case… but the perpetrator will generally not go after a kid who has an air of confidence, whose parents are involved in their life. Let me restate…THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE…but by raising a confident kid lessens the probability of him or her being a potential target of a child molester as he will prey on a child that is easy to manipulate. We have taught our kids to run and tell someone if anyone tries to touch them…or ask them to undress. The foundation of our training is to instill in your child a since of security, well being…that they are confident in who they are…and by all means…stay active in your kids life….begin to look for personality changes and withdrawal from life of a preadolescent child.
One of my closest friends was brutally sexually molested when he was 7 years old. He is now 46 years old and over the last few years began the healing process of the abuse. The effects ran deep…and the denial even deeper. Runks Runkles is now open about what has happened. He has a ministry speaking to youth across America about his testimony. I talked to Runks…as he is known by…about the Penn State Mess. He responded, ” I'd like to have 5 minutes with Sandusky…bat in hand….as much as the next guy but more than that I want time with the victims…I know what they are going through and I want them to know the hope, peace, and freedom from the hell of sexual abuse that I have found.”
You can visit Runks’ site at: Here
That’s right…it took less than 14 days to have the sacred boundary of what is between a manager and his team encroached. I listened to all 7 plus minutes of the recording. Sure…there is some foul language…but Ron’s speech loosened the team up, motivated them and even made me laugh….but there was nothing in there that broke the law. Ron did talk about that if Carp, the MF’er, threw the ball across the plate that they were to knock the s%@! out of it. I was upset when I heard that Wash’s pregame speech was leaked to the public…you see I still think that what is said in the board room, the clubhouse…locker room…squad bay of a Marine Corps Unit should stay there.
Ok…most of the time what happens there should stay there…unless the law is broken or if there is the most abhorred acts of sexual deviance to a minor that have occurred. I have read the entire indictment passed down from the Grand Jury on the Penn State and the Sandusky case. Reading that alone was enough to turn one’s stomach….but you do not even have to read between the lines of 40 accounts from 8 victims to wonder why anyone would allow a monster like Sandusky go free. It is unforgivable.
A second question to follow the first question is “How did so many people stay quiet on the matter?” Oh…people knew.
Let’s start from the beginning. Jerry Sandusky coached for Penn State for 32 years and was Defensive Coordinator for 23 of those years. In 1977, started a foundation called “The Second Mile” that served as a foster home for troubled boys and evolved to help children that came from dysfunctional and troubled homes. Victim 7, for the Grand Jury Indictment, gives details of deviant sexual behavior from Sandusky directed to him….behavior occurring in the mid 1990’s. The accounts from the 8 victims, all between the ages of 8 to 11, go on…in detail…about being forced to take showers with Sandusky…some are less intrusive…some accounts are of sodomizing rape…all sickening.
In March 1, 2002, a graduate assistant, Mike McQueary who was 28 years old then, entered a locker room and witnessed an act so heinous between Victim 2 and Sandusky, that he ran out of the room and called his dad. McQueary stated that he was in shock…distraught….and his dad told him to promptly report what he saw to Head Coach Joe Paterno. This was followed by meetings with Tim Curley, Penn State Athletic Director and Senior Vice President for Finance and Business Gary Shultz. The result? Curley, a couple of weeks later informed McQueary that Sandusky’s keys to the locker room were taken away and the incident reported to the The Second Mile. The incident was not reported to the police or child protective services, in what the Grand Jury termed a contravention of Pennsylvania law. Curley testified that the conduct was merely horseplay. Ok…my second home growing up was in a locker room. I know what horseplay is…and never at one time did I feel like I needed to call my dad because I was so distraught by “horseplay.” The grand jury didn’t buy it either. This just showed the tip of the ice berg of cover up…statements show that Sandusky was paid nearly $500,000 over 8 years by The Second Mile…over 10 years after the reports to officials surfaced of his sexual abuse of 10 year old boys.
In 1998, the year after Sandusky was named NCAA Assistant Football coach of the year, he was asked to step down. He retired…not to be picked up again by any other college. Penn State still allowed Sandusky use of facilities. This was apparently after allegations of taking showers with underage boys in the locker room facilities….he even admitted to it with the young boy’s mom via a wire tap.
The accounts go on and begin to read like a script of an episode of SVU – Law and Order….and the questions abound.
Why didn’t the 28 year graduate stop the sodomizing? Why weren’t the police called? Why didn’t any other colleges in the nation want to hire Sandusky in his coaching prime upon retirement and being named Assistant coach of the year? Why didn’t Paterno do more…or for that matter the AD…the President? Is climbing the food chain of college coaching more important than stopping the rape of a 10 year old boy? Is the money a top tier football program generates worth more…so they sweep scathing allegations under the rug and continue to allow the perpetrator access to the Penn State Facilities?
All of the above questions are rhetorical of course.
Although statistics are difficult to obtain in regards to child sexual abuse, it is thought that 1 in 6 boys and girls are abused sexually. The average age for the first abuse is just under 10 years old and Abuse typically occurs within a long-term, on-going relationship between the offender and victim, escalates over time and lasts an average of four years. 93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker, 34.2% of attackers were family members and 58.7% were acquaintances and only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim. The affects are long term for the victim…
The experience of sexual abuse for a child distorts her or his self-concept, orientation to the world and affective capabilities.
High rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, dissociative disorders, interpersonal dysfunction, sexual problems and suicidal ideation have all been identified to varying degrees among men and women who survive child sexual abuse.
Child sexual assault victims are 4.7 times more likely to be the subsequent victim of a sex crime.
So the question is, as parents, what we can do to prevent our own children of becoming victims of sexual abuse. As stated previously, most offenders are NOT strangers to the child.
At a very young age....like 3, begin talking with your kids about not letting anyone touch them where their bathing suits covered…even if you knew that person. Our pediatrician always reinforced this concept with each clinic visit. One must understand that the offender begins to manipulate the child and typically preys on a child with insecurities and a derivative of a dysfunctional environment. This is not always the case… but the perpetrator will generally not go after a kid who has an air of confidence, whose parents are involved in their life. Let me restate…THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE…but by raising a confident kid lessens the probability of him or her being a potential target of a child molester as he will prey on a child that is easy to manipulate. We have taught our kids to run and tell someone if anyone tries to touch them…or ask them to undress. The foundation of our training is to instill in your child a since of security, well being…that they are confident in who they are…and by all means…stay active in your kids life….begin to look for personality changes and withdrawal from life of a preadolescent child.
One of my closest friends was brutally sexually molested when he was 7 years old. He is now 46 years old and over the last few years began the healing process of the abuse. The effects ran deep…and the denial even deeper. Runks Runkles is now open about what has happened. He has a ministry speaking to youth across America about his testimony. I talked to Runks…as he is known by…about the Penn State Mess. He responded, ” I'd like to have 5 minutes with Sandusky…bat in hand….as much as the next guy but more than that I want time with the victims…I know what they are going through and I want them to know the hope, peace, and freedom from the hell of sexual abuse that I have found.”
You can visit Runks’ site at: Here
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
BASEBALL...and LIFE...
It was the first trip to Arlington Stadium for me. I was six years old….my first Big League Game…the Texas Rangers against the New York Yankees. I sat there and watched Reggie Jackson for the Yankees take two pitches yard. The Rangers lost that game…but it was still magical…I was watching Major League Baseball. Growing up in small town West Texas, making it to a major league game was rare. Something to be cherished….something that only occurred every couple of years or so.
Hollywood has produced some of the best Baseball Movies…one of my favorites is Sandlot…about a bunch of boys living a summer on a sandlot baseball field and occasionally losing balls to a backyard with a big dog….guardian of all lost baseballs hit for a home run. I love that movie…not so much for the plot…although very good…no…I love that movie because that was how we lived. Every summer the Cherry Street posse of Teddy, Todd, Paxton, Jimmy, Jude, Me…and my kid brother Sam…played ball. In Teddy’s back yard…it was the biggest on the street. The summer sun would beat down…on a dusty and dry ground….it was a far cry from a perfect manicured diamond…the bases could not be evenly spaced due to oblique backyard geometry. Occasionally there would be disagreements…usually settled with the next pitch being a fastball thrown up and in...and lost balls….well we lost a bunch of them…the adjacent yard had a big German Sheppard named SHEP…and he always played finders keepers with anything knocked over the fence. Life when you are preteen in Levelland…at least on Cherry Street… was marked by sports seasons…and summer was sanctioned as BASEBALL season.
I liked all the sports…and played whatever was offered during the time…but baseball was held sacred. We all traded and collected baseball cards with each other. Jude would memorize the stats…and tell you who was batting 0.348 in June for the Royals. I remember when I had gotten Thurman Munson’s card…and I remember the day he was killed in a plane crash…he caught for the Yankees….and I caught for the Yankees…that would be the Levelland Little League Yankees.
Although I would play for the Reds, or the Astros…Yankees and the Giants…I would always keep up with the Texas Rangers…they were my favorite…and most summers there was not a whole lot to cheer for…they were usually out of Pennant contention by late July. One summer, I remember they were only 2 games out of first place to the Toronto Blue Jays and I talked my dad into shifting our vacation a couple of days so that we could watch the Rangers play the Jays…..soon after that my beloved Rangers began to drift where we were used to seeing them finish…at the back of the pack.
As life moved on…I continued to play ball…all the way through high school. Somewhere along the way the grave realization of playing in the big leagues wouldn’t be….and by the time I had graduated, I was more astute of keeping the pitch counts and determining how the hurler was pitching the batters than me being able to hit a change-up following a heater on the inside corner. But the love of Baseball never wavered.
In 1992 I was living in Dallas and working for a company as an intern. I scheduled my summer around when Nolan Ryan would pitch for the Rangers…and occasionally would buy a ticket on his scheduled day praying that the aging Ryan Express wouldn’t go onto the DL. Yep…I get to tell my kids that I saw Nolan pitch for the Rangers. They get a kick out of that when they see Nolan sitting with his wife Ruth during the televised Ranger Games. The day after Bren and I were married…we went to a Ranger Game before we left on a cruise. Yep…the Texas Rangers…moved to Texas from Washington DC in 1972…and I have to say that most of those years were kinda bleak…not Chicago Cubs bleak…but still bleak…I remember going to games in the early 00’s when they were 25 games out of First Place….and thinking…will we ever be good?
Tonight…in St. Louis…the Texas Rangers will take the field….in the World Series…the Fall Classic…for the second year in the row. Last night…with no baseball on the TV…I was pacing around…Bren looks over at me and says, “You would think you are scheduled to pitch tomorrow.” I grin…and say, "that would be cool"…I am like a kid….that same kid that played with his buds on that Sandlot field on Cherry Street….that same kid, watching Reggie Jackson from the Evil Empire take two yard. Yep…I am a kid again…made possible by a bunch of guys younger than me. PLAY BALL!
Friday, September 23, 2011
R.I.P. Carolyn
Well…this is the blog entry I never wanted to write…Carolyn went to be with the Lord yesterday.
So if this entry seems disjointed…well…it’s because it probably is…and I don’t care.
Carolyn and I went to Junior High...having class together. I still see her sitting there making everybody laugh around her…quick witted coupled with a quick tongue…and that is a great recipe for humor to ensue…we went on to High School…and really kept up with her through my brother…evidently there was a battle royale going on for first chair Saxophone in the Levelland High School Band...My brother would comment that Carolyn made him have to practice. Like many people that we come in contact with…after we crossed that graduation stage of High School…life moves on and the memories begin to fade. Well, fade a bit till Facebook became a staple in our lives and culture.
I still remember the day a couple of years ago when she posted that the fight was on…the fight against Breast Cancer. I don’t know why it struck me so hard when I heard that …you see my wife and I can literally name 10 people close to us that are fighting that same battle. But with Carolyn…it was different…she was my age…married with three kids. When you are 18 you are bullet proof…that stays constant till about age 35…then you may have only kryptonite that can slow you down. I don’t know if it was me coming to grips with my own mortality through someone I knew…fairly well….but that Facebook Post slapped me up side the head.
And so…I began to focus my endurance endeavors…of her inspiring me…and me honoring her…I ran the Bataan Marathon in the White Sands Desert carrying a 44 lbs pack…her name inscribed on the back of my hand. When I took up the bike, I dedicated my riding to her…I rode…I trained…I sweated…in honor of Carolyn…my first Century ride at the Hotter N Hell 2010, she and her awesome family graciously waited for me at the finish line…and so…the connection was always there…
So I write this today….with the heaviest of hearts….
Carolyn...to a friend who inspired me be to be a better athlete, husband, dad....and person. Who's feistiness knew no bounds...who took the role of wife, mother and friend to its fullest...who's sarcastic sense of humor would crack me up...who's faith in Jesus Christ was your bedrock...I will miss you standing with your family at the finish line....you are now in a glorious place with our Father...where there are no finish lines...
R.I.P Carolyn...and so I press On!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Hot and Heavy Breathing...
We were breathing… hot and heavy….the whole group of us…sweat…and panting…hey…get your mind out of the gutter…it was the Legacy Cycling Team Sunday afternoon reunion ride….nearly 35 cyclist…only about 25 miles….so you knew that after the jovial first 5 miles of good natured ribbing and joking around…that the Barbaro Rocket would ignite the Tandem Afterburners…then Marcel would be out of the saddle…Jim would go into time trial posture…and the hammerfest would commence….up to 29 mph at times on the flat…not to mention climbing at 24 mph. Throw in the Windhaven climb….and if you did not go anaerobic more than a handful of times…then you either need to be cat1 racing or you where probably back picking scorched daisies on the side of the sweltering Texas Road.
I love that group…how no one gets left behind…how riders of all levels feel welcomed…it is just a good group of people anchored by Coach Jim…and the mother figure…Jackie. A shout out to our own Laura who is an IRONMAN…chiseled in Wale’s Granite as she completed it across the pond.
So…the running as increased…I ran 13 miles on Friday…most of it at night on a trail…and realize I have a long way to go…the cycling legs need to morph into the trail running legs…and so intense core and weights are still on the weekly agenda as we increase the miles…time spent playing in the dirt.
Sunday it was hot again…up to nearly a 100…and today we break the record of the most days over a 100 degrees…mark that as day 70. Despite that, you can tell fall is nigh…Hope played her first soccer game on Saturday…and both Macy and Luke are playing fall ball…Softball and Baseball respectively. The Fighting Texas Aggies are winning and the Dallas Cowboys are losing….and the Texas Rangers are coming down to the wire to win the division….all is right in the world…as TEAM ELLIOTT is marching on…with the new relief pitcher to arrive in camp in December some time….(hey...keep your Cowboy comments to yourself...I am a huge fan...just low expectations.)
PRESS ON PEOPLE..PRESS ON…
I love that group…how no one gets left behind…how riders of all levels feel welcomed…it is just a good group of people anchored by Coach Jim…and the mother figure…Jackie. A shout out to our own Laura who is an IRONMAN…chiseled in Wale’s Granite as she completed it across the pond.
So…the running as increased…I ran 13 miles on Friday…most of it at night on a trail…and realize I have a long way to go…the cycling legs need to morph into the trail running legs…and so intense core and weights are still on the weekly agenda as we increase the miles…time spent playing in the dirt.
Sunday it was hot again…up to nearly a 100…and today we break the record of the most days over a 100 degrees…mark that as day 70. Despite that, you can tell fall is nigh…Hope played her first soccer game on Saturday…and both Macy and Luke are playing fall ball…Softball and Baseball respectively. The Fighting Texas Aggies are winning and the Dallas Cowboys are losing….and the Texas Rangers are coming down to the wire to win the division….all is right in the world…as TEAM ELLIOTT is marching on…with the new relief pitcher to arrive in camp in December some time….(hey...keep your Cowboy comments to yourself...I am a huge fan...just low expectations.)
PRESS ON PEOPLE..PRESS ON…
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RUN ON -SEMPER FIDELIS
