Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Balance of Life...
Balance Grasshopper!....Balance! My friend John says….clean living and moderation in all things. My personality does not know moderation. I never have done drugs…never been an alcoholic…but I am here to tell you that if I didn’t have intense focus on other things…who knows…but for the Grace of God go I!!! It is just how I am made…and my wife Bren knows this…
I have to be honest; the past month has not been great for me. I continue to train…but have backed off…nothing more than 2 hours at a time. Started riding my bike…continued with boot camps…training on weights…but there was always angst. Mentally, I didn’t have it in me to run all night long if my son had an early Saturday morning baseball game….Running or riding for 5 to 6 hours. The paradox? I didn’t want to train for an ultra….and I didn’t give myself permission not to train for an Ultra Endurance event. I remember sipping a cup of coffee one Saturday morning. I should have been enjoying my kids…and their upcoming events, baseball and softball games. My wife comes out and looks at me and knew immediately that I had a war waging inside…I was stewing…mad….frustrated! Over the past 3 years, Saturday morning was hard corps training time. I loathed where I was!
The following week, I got an email from a bud…it was a partial list of all the events I have done in 3 years. At the end of the email my friend basically said….you need to chill for a few months…really! “For over 3 years you have pushed your limits were most cannot comprehend…with a family….and a packed schedule.” Within 3 days I had 2 other of my inner circle tell me the same thing. I came into the gym at 5:15 one morning, and a training buddy looked at me and said, “Give yourself permission to take time off from endurance events.” “You don’t have to stop completely…just enjoy some time off from the crazy stuff for a period ….till it becomes fun again.”
The past 2 weeks I have had a peace about all that. Oh, I have climbed back on the bike…and we have hammered some 40 mile rides out…but nothing over a couple of hours. I have started studying magic again (slight of hand.) I have started writing…and reading. I got my spiritual life back on track a bit. I have focused on my kids more…working with them on their baseball/softball skills. I have spent more time goofing off with my 5 year old, Hope. My wife and I have always made it a priority to go out…and that has been fun…and I am content. No angst. I believe God uses others in your life to show you things…and I am thankful for buds who help me grasp what I really need to know.
So what’s in the future? I honestly don’t know…I probably will ride Hotter N Hell 100 miles again this year…but who knows.